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Matthew Chapman
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Posts from 01st Jun 2006 to 30th Jun 2006.
You could be living in Kloopy Towers
   at 19:38 on Thu 8th June 2006
I've spent the last couple of days feeling sorry for myself and the stack of empty cans of beer and coke are mounting.. I should empty the bins and tidy up a bit I think.

I've been phoning HSBC, my mortgage provider, I've been in to the estate agents and into a letting agency. I've worked out that if I were to sell the flat and pull out of the housing market and forefitting my investment, the increased value of the flat would just about pay the various fees assocated with selling and my early repayment fee on the mortgage.

However, HSBC have stated I can sublet the flat on the grounds that the tennant accept a letter from HSBC stating if I default on my mortgage payments the tennant has no legal right to stop HSBC from repossesing the property.

So all in all, by letting my flat and by continuing to work in my current capacity at half pay I'll be able to stay afloat financially and keep my flat. Which is something, at least.

So if you're looking to rent a furnished town center location single bedroom flat a short walk away from the station linking you directly to the centre of London and to Cambridge, a stone throw away from the A1(M) and the M1, and 20 paces from the nearest (very quiet and welcoming) pub, then do get in touch.

It's just now a case of finding somewhere to live where I can work from and get occasional access to the office in Stevenage. So it's not likely I'll be working from the relaxing beaches of Hawaii.

It's still all a bit crazy, it's as if I'm not just playing a game where I'm put into a crisis situation and it's a simple case of exploring avenues, making phone calls and decisions to get the best resolution possible. I don't feel as if this is all happening to me at the moment. I could be an agent sorting out someone elses problems. Wierd. But it keeps me fairly level headed I guess.

Oh, and of course thank you to everyone who's called or texted to see if I'm alright, it's really heartwarming to know people care. :)

Five comments
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by Neil at 22:11 on 09th Jun 2006
I must be the comment deflowerer.

Take up buddhism and change your perspective on life. Life is just a scatter of problems which only leaves solutions to solve them...

You'll do alright mate, and if all else fails you know you have a place to your parents' :p

Chin up, you're on stage and you're the main performer of this show called life.

by Clare at 09:19 on 13th Jun 2006
At least you can indeed keep the flat, hon'. It all sounds super-stressful, but hang in there, you're doing all the right things! Look after yourself. :)

(And hopefully we can manage to meet up sometime! I hope your weekend in Soton was good!)

by Phil at 00:50 on 21st Jun 2006
Just as a first time finder of this site and with the mention of religion in the air and all the doom and gloom about whats your take on karma?

by ally at 12:46 on 21st Jun 2006
I am reading a paper at work. The surname of the author is 'Kakkeh' I thought that was funny :)

by Matt at 15:52 on 22nd Jun 2006
That is an unusual surname. I hope he or she wasn't bullied at school and that they are now proud of their name. :-)

As for my views on karma... the idea that the choices and actions we've made in our lives go some way to dictating what's in store for us in the present and future? I could very well subscribe to that. If I put the work in at University to get a good degree and I'm friendly to those around me and make the effort to keep those friendships, I'm sure my life is much better than if I had been a social recluse and put little work into my academia.

However you could be the nicest person, always making the right decisions in life and living it to the full, but for some external reason, perhaps the intervention of someone else or through some illness, you're set back by a mile. Karma is a really nice way of thinking about life and it's great to enthuse people to do good with their relatively short lives, but it's not all that simple.

But then I certainly don't believe in the idea of fate where everything is set out for us. For some reason to me, our path just doesn't seem right to be laid out in front of us. To not be in control of our own lives seems to go against the randomness and unpredictability that nature has.

At least that's vaguely the way I have grown to perceive life in the past 22 years.

The Inevitable Turning Point
   at 22:17 on Tue 6th June 2006
I was unable to sleep last night. I don't know why. But I lay awake thinking for hours. One of the things I thought about was how I had stopped putting effort into my blog and how that probably showed in the frequency and quality of posts. I never set out to write for an audience but to write a diary for myself to look back at in the years to come. I was thinking about some big posts I could make about my opinions on the police state we're heading towards in the UK or perhaps even approach the subject of religion.

However, I didn't expect to be writing today about major changes in my life. I had a chat to my boss today and the news he had for me I guess was inevitable. In essence, I've been given a deadline to either get well or sacrifice being kept on full pay. With no end in sight for this illness I'm going through it appears likely I won't be well before the deadline. I'm able to stay on half pay in the capacity I'm currently working to after that point though which is certainly something I'll be doing.

But both my boss and I understand that any less that I'm earning now means I am unable to afford the payments on my mortgage and bills. I'm just about staying afloat as it is. So making the fair assumption that I wont be well in 2 months, it looks like I'll be either renting (if my mortgage agreement allows - something I need to check tomorrow morning) or will be selling up and probably moving back to my parents.

At the onset of Summer 2005, I had graduated from Southampton University with a highly respectable Computer Science degree from one of the leading institutions in the UK for Electronics and Computer Science. I had a well-paid job that allowed me to invest in the property market and get on that difficult ladder. Everything was looking up, it was Summer and I was rocking.

A year later as we approach Summer 2006, it looks like I'll have a limited part-time job, having had to ditch the housing market and move back with my parents which is not ideal for either my parents or myself. The idea turns my entire life upside down. Thankfully I still have the opportunity to continue earning but it's crazy the emotion the reality of something like this causes you. It's probably a good idea I've just started this course of anti-depressants.

My dear friend Andrew just pointed the date out to me. It's 6/6/6. How poetic. I think I'm going to get drunk tonight and forget about everything. :-)

Five comments
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by Neil at 23:15 on 06th Jun 2006
I feel like being very rude to you Matt, as lovely a guy you are. Shut the fuck up!

You have the whole of your life ahead of you, literally. Just look at me for example: I'm going to be 26 this year. I'm living with my mother and about to be taking a second degree (which is destined to last 7 years), and the prospect of either getting laid or moving out are as unlikely as a new release of Lost coming out in XXX rating with the same cast.

You really need to abstract yourself from the rut you're letting yourself live in. Lets go and take a course in parachuting this summer or something, get that old heart of yours pounding again with excitement, remember what it is like to be alive.

I think you're in a state of anticlimax at the moment, all your achievements you make recently seem flavourless and hence you're in a state of malaise and overall depression. You're looking for excitement in everything even the prospect of being very ill or gas leaking into your house or anything.

But what do I know? I'm so sad I can't even be bothered to chat online anymore ;-)

Give me a buzz if you want to chat, you sound like you need it.

by Spinner at 23:56 on 06th Jun 2006
You know where to find me if you want to chat, matey (-:
Cheer up, I'm not saying I've been there, but who knows, maybe I can help?

by Clare at 10:21 on 07th Jun 2006
Blergh - how rubbish :( As per the other comments, if you need a chat then you know my number hon'. Neil has a point, I guess: this is a rubbish place to be stuck in, but who knows where you'll be, or what you'll be doing, three or four years down the line? (Or three or four months!)

But it's gotta be real hard to keep that in mind, where you are at the mo. I certainly wouldn't be!

So basically... for now, remember that things WILL work out in the end, and meanwhile your friends are here for ya. Hugs 'n' sparkly stuff to you...

by Gordon at 19:44 on 07th Jun 2006
Damn. Hope you feel better soon - I know this can't help how you feel at the moment though. Still, even if it doesn't work out it is an opportunity for change...

You're an immensely talented guy - you could pull of whatever you choose to do. You can go contract and get rid of some of the monotony, or how about doing some embedded stuff? You like PICs, and as I understand it embedded developers are in high demand.

Anyway, if you've got a day free it'd be cool to meet up. Sun 18th would be awesome in cambridge if you'll be free (its the post-exam getting trashed day) - i can give you a lift if you want.

by Karen at 12:52 on 08th Jun 2006
Hiya Matt. I am so sorry to hear you are feeling no better and that it is causing you to make changes you don't want to make. I know you probably can't see it this way but you have so many things going for you and like Neil said you have your whole life ahead of you. You will get through this and although you might not like it, change is inevitable in life as you know. One day you'll look back and see all the things that you have learned about this part of your life, about yourself and see that with every door that is closed, several more have been opened.