Today, although perhaps only in the short term, I'm feeling good. I got my HCI essay handed in on time, despite it being of the shoddiest quality I've ever written... I had my marks back for the RMI coursework I did; 74%. Which I'm happy about. Although, my lecturer has marked me down 5% because I handed it in 5 minutes late. I've written an email to him explaining that it was a mixup due to random PC clock times. Hopefully he'll understand.

Went up to Union films last night to see The Goonies. I think I've out grown it a little now. It's not as fun as it always used to be. Which is a little depressing. What with my Birthday and all, I'm really starting to feel like I'm not a kid anymore. Which sucks.

I've been invited out tonight. Still can't decide whether I'm well enough. I've had an awful stomach ever since we celebrated the term in on Sunday night. I might still be hungover. Who can tell?

But as I said, I'm feeling good, which is... good. *roll eyes*

I had what I think is the second most foul hang over of my life today. And I'm still feeling raw and throbby now, 16 hours after waking up and beginning the whole re-hydration thing. I blame Andrew, my housemate, for getting me an optic dispenser thingummy for my Birthday. I think I drank about 12 pints of home-mixed snakebite last night. Damn it made me sore. But I did find time this afternoon to make a funky picture of myself.

But that's not why I'm making this post. The real reason is scarey. And I wanted to share it. With anyone who dares read this site. I -want- to do coursework. I'm getting really stuck into this HCI thing. Our task is to design a GUI for some sparkly command-line program one of the lecturers at Southampton Uni has made. That's not important. The important thing is that I want to do it. I'm really interested in the way psycology influences design and how, and the way the coursework is making me tap into the creative part of my mind. But I'm tired. Very tired. And I've a headache. A bad one. So I can't work. And the deadline later today at 2pm. Which really sucks, because I'm getting too engrossed and if I carry on at this rate, I'll miss the deadline. So basically, I'll go to sleep, wake up, skip lectures, and do my best at making a good job of it.

Side-thought

I don't normally swear in my blog... but FUCKING HELL!!!!

I had a fantastic Birthday weekend. It was great to see everyone and all, but that's not what I came to my website to discuss...

What I wanted to talk about was fucking University and the shit load of work they make us do. The bollocks about Students having so much free time is just that, utter crap.

I've had four weeks holiday. The first two were spent working for my proper job. The second two I had allocated for Uni stuff. But then I had my birtday weekend. We recently moved house, so my parents have forced me to help decorate and renovate the house (it was in a state when we got it). On top of that, I've had a funeral to go to and my PC has been out of action for periods due to the electricians being in this week.

So basically, tonight is the first real night I've been able to get some work done. And I realised just how much crap there is to do. I have a deadline for next Tuesday, a fucking shit HCI thing. Depressing. I also have promised work for my SEG (group project) and I've no idea what I promised. It's all so annoying and stressful and I wish it'd go away.

I'm totally against (in my present mood) this whole idea of homework bollocks. You don't get homework in the real office world. You have fucking text books and manuals if you can't recall something. You're just not required to do all the shit we have to do right now.

I can't wait for Uni to end. I love my job and despite having deadlines and proper responsibility, it's far more enjoyable than the drivel University constantly makes me do.

I just switched through the browser windows I have open, to double check what I had to do.... and I now feel like crying. The weight I had on my shoulders before the Easter break just came crashing back down.

Bollocks to it all. I'm tired, now upset, and wish they'd set something even remotely interesting if they insist on giving us coursework. Here's to a late night in misery.

It's really strange recently. I think I said a while back, at the end of last month, that I had spent some time with people off my course, and was really enjoying it. As much as I love the friends I have at Uni, who I'm about most of the time, it was so refreshing to spend time with new people.

I am feeling, this evening, that I'm quite selfish. I would like to think I'm a kind person, thoughtful and sensitive. But I'm always trying to get one step further, always trying to be one bit better than I used to be. I'm competative with myself. And believe me, that bodes well for some interesting internal conversations.

But yeah, it's annoying. The friends I have in life, the money I have, the jobs I do, the kind comments I get from people, the good times and the amazing memories. They're never enough. Even though I cherish them all, and I'm grateful for everything, however small, that anyone has ever done for me.

I think I have a list of targets which I aim to hit in my life. A recent one was to get properly working for the students union, and through work on the Ents website, I've completed that. The thing that worries me is now I have a bigger target.

I want a girlfriend. This is no plea for any woman who reads this blog (what a nice thought that is) to ask me out... I just mean that I miss my old girlfriend, Naomi. I miss the special connection it brought between the two of us, the amazing friendship. Would Erin and Laura like to come back home from travelling, Lookie from Australia and all the other female friends I have from their respective Unis. I miss the female contact, your way of thinking and by god, you're all so attractive.

I think I'm missing Southampton, mostly, too. I like it at Uni, the life's great, the people are wonderful. I think the main problem is that I spent too much time with everyone. But anyhow, that's by the by, it's another story. I'm more interested in my birthday, which is now just 3 days away.

I'm -so- looking forward to Julian and Big Richard meeting a friend of mine from home called Nick, who's openly gay. Julian and Richard will be horrified. I can't wait. :D

I need another beer, and to empty my bladder.... So I'll stop rambling.

It's nice to be back at home. Even though I'm working for work work, the entertainments department at Uni and my course. I've also been watching a load of Scrubs, which is quite something for anyone who knows me usual attitude towards American sitcom things.

Anyhow, it's my birthday on Sunday. A few friends are coming up and I've still to receive confirmation from a couple. I'm really looking forward to it now. Got loads planned.

But I can smell lunch being cooked, and I should call work and tell them the problems they had have been fixed...

I think it's chips. :D

So, just 9 days before I turn 20, I went to my first ever Funeral. A few weeks ago, just along the coast from me in Gosport, my great aunt Beatie became very ill. It turned out that she was riddled with cancer. I remember my mother listing some of the things the post-mortem had discovered. I can remember at least 5 types of cancer she listed. Some of those she had had for up to 18 months, I was told. Which is just shocking. She had problems with her leg aswell, from a few falls down the stairs.

So, my parents picked me up at about 7am yesterday (Friday). We went to the late Beatties house and prepared the food and drink for the wake. The hearse arrived just before 10.30. At that point, there was a noticable plumet in the atmosphere and emotion everyone was feeling. The service began at 11am.

It was actually a wonderful service. Many great things were said. One thing my sister said, of all people, was that Beattie filled her life with living. Which is so true. Right up until she went into hospital about 3 weeks ago, she was living it to the full. She went into town every Thursday, she went on day trips, on holidays and nothing stopped her doing it all.

I think the second most upsetting point in a cremation service, is when the curtains close. It hits you then that "That's it.". It's like a formal close to her life. Whilst they closed, I remembered some of the great times I've had with her and loads of the things we had done.

But I think the most upsetting thing in the service, at least for me, was when we left the service itself and went to look at the flowers. I could feel everyones upset and sadness. There was an overwhelming sense of third person pain. It felt so sad for me too, but at the same time I felt strangely happy. For Beattie that she had done so much with her time, and that she'd had such an amazing affect on everyones life who knew her. Thinking about it, I don't think happy is the word. But I fely something other than sadness.

At the "wake" afterwards, it was so weird to be seeing all these relatives, most of who I hadn't seen before and the rest who I haven't seen in years and years.

When I got a lift back to Southampton mid afternoon, I was obviously in a far from best mood. So, I decided that I wasn't going to cook, went to the chip shop and off liscence. After I had eaten, Big Richard, Little Richard and I watched a film.

The thing that topped of my day being crap is that Big Richard pestered and pestered to watch Not Anohter Teen Movie. One that I believe is Watch-Once because it's crap. But I categorily told him I was in no mood for shit humour films, and I really didn't want to watch it. But on he pestered. In the end, to save myself going mentally angry at him and venting all my emotion on him, I gave in and was pissed off all evening.

But of course, I didn't tell him, because I'm a kind person. But it does beg the question. Why the hell are blokes almost always deprived of sensitivity?

That went well. Both the Ents manager and the student union website boss like it. I've even been preliminarily offered a job. Which is great. :-) Best get finishing the site now, really.

Also, idimmu from NetGamers was talking about bungee jumps. Christ, the adrenline rush that I got was good. I'm enjoying reliving it. I only have 11 photos from the jump... but you can see what the worlds biggest bungee is like here on my gallery. *GRINS*

I'm off up to the Union to showcase this website I've done for our Entertainments department over the past couple of weeks. I've also got to pop into the Accounts deparment. (I'm getting a little pocket money for this, which is nice.) I had, according to them, given an account number that's too long. How bloody stupid am I?! Heh.

"Please, have some of our money. Only catch is, you give us your account number."

"Sure, that's swell.... 321589632569852696369823".

Anyway, I shall don a shirt and leave.

This place is empty. I should really make this site display the last 20 posts or something rather than by month. Grah, I'll learn to code some day.