Posts from 01st Feb 2004 to 29th Feb 2004.
Tonight, Chris, Andrew and I all went up to the Stags Head to support the one-off Rock night. I thought it was great. Fantastic to get a fix of some real live music into the veins.
The bar was packed, it was far busier than I've ever seen it. And the great thing is, Melissa tells me that it's sure to happen again.
Fantastic stuff. And in other news, I've got my tooltip popup script thing working in Firefox. Which means it should work in most browsers now. *smiles*.
Haha. I still giggle when I think back to it. On the way home from The Cube last night, Andrew was stumbling up the steps in Rapists Alley boasting about how sober he was.
The line I'll never forget is when he said "Chris, you're more drunk than Matt and I put together*SMACK*".
His head went smashing into a huge branch of a tree. I really can't convey just how funny this was, the timing was immaculate. I hope his drunken bruises don't give him a headache this morning.
I really really think I've put far far too much effort into dressing up. Well, not effort. But it still looks like I have. Oh dear. The more I sit here waiting for time to go up to the Cube, the more I feel silly and the more of a Penguin I feel.
Any how..... I look like this
I finally get round to opening my bottle of Adnams. Pleasant.
And it gets poured into a nice pint jug.
And a few minutes later it's gone. A nice glass of wine lined up.
And the wine's gone.
I'm now waiting for Chris to finish his glass so we can open bottle two.
I shall shower now, and get dressed ready for Bond night at the cube. Andrew and I are getting well dressed up for it. \o/ Photos to follow.
Things seem to have taken a turn for me. I'm having a bad day. I'm stressed. Revision for this "class test" thing I had was shit. Utterly shit. I hate the lecturer, his style of teaching and his style of presentation slides. It's all crap.
On top of that, I've lost the ability to type. I also realised that I'm bored of this huge group coursework we have to do. Which is a pitty. It's going to be great. I hope I feel better tomorrow about it. Could spend alot of time doing it.
What's really pissing me off is that I have been doing so much and being really productive yet I have just as many things to do. I've got a website to produce for the Union, I've started it and it looks good but I can't find enough consecutive free hours in which to get stuck in. I've also been asked for a Java applet for signatures on a graphics pad for the Union box office. On top of that, I have a business card to design for my mother. Then theres this ongoing group coursework. I also have two other courseworks set.
Also, I got my results. I'm happy with them, whilst at the same time I wish I had done better. I thought I had put as much effort into most of it as I could. It's difficult to get to grips with the fact that I'm no longer in A-Levels where I used to be one of hte best. I'm now at Uni where I'm with people of equal and better ability. Strange. But good. I can learn off people again. It's great. There are so many good people in labs.
Years ago, back in first year A-Level, both Nick and I sat really bored in a Maths lesson. I turned to a blank piece of paper and started writing a poem. The results of which follow.
Finding it again made me giggle. And thankfully, momentarily allowed me to forget about Exam results tomorrow. Anyway, here it is;
The grass is green,
Oh how I dream,
To go for a walk,
To endlessly talk.
I'd go though the park,
Until it got dark,
I'd show you the sea,
Look at you with glee.
The gulls in flight,
A gorgeous sight.
A ship in the water,
Sailing shorter and shorter.
I feel safe here on land,
Holding your hand.
I turn to your head,
And stab you dead.
Hehe. Surprisingly nothing happened last night. But it did mean I got to bed at a sensible time. I was up at 8am this morning, and thought I'd make use of it.
I've tidyed my room, done the washing up, put a load through the washing machine, done some work for the Union, tried yet again to phone Jenni (I think she might have changed her number) and I've listened to most of Beethovens 9 symphonies (which was really pleasant). It's only lunch time and to top it all, for another day running I am in an absolutely fantastic mood.
The sun is shining and I'm smiling. :-)
[I just realised that my food in the oven will be burning -again-. Why do I always come to my blog when my food is ready?!]
The price of a book of 4 first class stamps. The train fare from Hitchin to Stevenage. A return bus fare into Southampton city centre. Swimming in the town centre. A tube of Doritos. Getting a key cut. A 2 litre bottle of coke. A tub of Asda icecream. A new energy-saving lightbulb. Eight boxes of matches from OneStop.
These are all things that I can instantly think of that cost more money than what any of my Uni friends would have to spend on a pint in the Halls bars this evening.
And yet being a student, in Southampton (a pleasant University city), being 5 minutes away from either Halls bars or the campus Union pub, a short bus ride from anywhere in town, having a plethora of computer games and things to do in my room, loads of friends to talk to and have a fun evening with, I'm destined for an evening of boredom.
Everyone is so bloody apathetic, they don't give a crap and would rather sit like drones in front of their computers all evening and night (and I bet they've been on them since they woke up) than go out and socialise, to talk to people in the real world.
I would plead with my housemates and other friends to come out, but when I've done that before, it's been hard to squeeze a word out of them. When they want to be boring by god they are. So, I'll sit here, read a bit and get an early night that I'd really rather have spent doing anything other than sleeping.
And to top the whole sodding thing off, I've been told that they don't sell books of 4 stamps anymore. Its six now. What the hell is this world coming to?
(I don't think I'll ever find out unless I remove the burning food from the oven.)
I have just wasted one hundred and one minutes of my life. Never before have I sat in a film and been so upset.
From the outset of American Psyco, all the way to the credits, there is no plot what so ever. There is no story thus meaning the script writer does not create any emotional bonding with the characters. I didn't feel sorry for any of the main characters "victims". Nor did I feel any emotion towards Patrick himself.
I have been thinking for about an hour now and I am still failing to find any merit, however small, for this film. The whole idea behind the film is utterly pointless. I feel that Mary Harron, the lady who wrote the screenplay from the novel by Bret Easton Ellis, must have had a severly wrong emphasis on particular parts of the book. Either that of Ellis himself is an extremely poor author. I haven't read the book, so I understand I can't comment on that.
However, the acting was abismal and I felt that not a single of the actors managed to create the character they were aiming for. Patrick did not come across as either a nice guy or evil what so ever.
At no point during the film did I feel suspence or a build up of fear. Perhaps a more appropriate choice of music would have helped build the tension, however I really doubt it'd be enough to make me even momentarily consider recommending this film.
All in all, an utterly poor performance, dissapointing and unworthy of its now four year place on video shop shelves.
Perhaps Ms Harron, who also Directed the film, should stick to being a housewife and leave the film making business.
I just hope some nice dreams and a uninterrupted sleep will help me get over the mental ache I have from loosing just under two hours that I could have spent better in one of a hundred ways.
Recently in the pub, I was talking to my friends about exactly why I think life is pointless.
There really is no point to it all. I agree that (thanks to our parents) we're "given" life and now I have it, I'll try and make something of it. But it still bugs me that, in the grand scheme of things, it means nothing.
Put a place holder around life, not just your life, but all of it, each and every living thing that has been, that is currently about and all that are to come. Now just press the Delete key on that. Remove it from existence. So there's nothing left. Not even blackness, not even empty.
In that situation, pray tell me, what is the point? And when I've fallen into that thinking (depressive perhaps, but I have) why should I bother with the life I've been given, if all in all, its all pointless and worthless?
This conversation went on for a long time. I was also saying how death interests me. It's perhaps a bit twisted but one of my life's ambitions is to expierence death. (Heh. Contradictory, I know.) But it's something that can keep me wondering until I fall asleep. What's it like, what does it feel like, what do you hear and see, smell and feel? And the emotion you experience too, what's that like? Does your life really flash before your eyes.... I can't wait to find out.
But of course, after that, it's all pointless because I won't exist to have experienced it. I'll be a non-entity. Gone. Never to feel or be felt again.
Heh. So, as I was saying, this went on for a while. And I was making myself think a lot about it all too. There was some really good conversation going and people were asking some really good stuff about my opinions and beliefs. But one thing really got me...
Chris was quiet for a while, as I was babbling on about the lack of a point to everything. He then simply asked "What's the point in you spending all this time telling us how you feel, if there's no point or meaning to it all?".
I've never felt like I did after that. It was wierd, and true. I was spending all this time trying to help them understand why I thought there was nothing to life and there was no point living it, only to be made to realise that I had a point. Chris has a good point.
It made me smile, alot. It felt nice and it was warming to realise that perhaps there is some meaning to it all.
But then.... I realised something this evening. I am destined for shit timing every time I come into contact with women.
About a year ago now, I really begin to find myself attracted to a girl called Gemma, we have a few "moments" and it feels like there's something really behind it. But then she's just got a bloke so I can't follow that path through my life.
Next comes along the most wonderful girl I think I've ever know. I still don't understand why I felt it, but I did. I ended up kissing her, which felt so nice at the time. But "real life" slapped me in the face when her rather upset boyfriend made me realise exactly what I was doing. So again, another door of life closed to me.
Then comes along another Gemma, and I make mistakes here, and for once, (due to a different girl) I try and end it all, only to have a barage of text messages and "stalking" to make me change my mind.
And then there's the wonderful Laura. Whom I love dearly. I had a fantastic weekend last weekend in her company (and arms) and I think I've smiled ever since. But she's off travelling the world for five months, so that's another channel that's (I hope temporarily) close off.
So... if there's anyone out there that thinks they can get around my ill-fated track of realationships, I'll be happy to embrase you with open arms.
My love to you all.
I've had enough, really. Noone in my house seems to share any view that's comparable to mine, on anything from social things to political stance.
For example, noone seems to be able to understand exactly why I like to get up by 9am every day so that I can do something useful and get some work done. Andrew actually said to me "Why would I want to get up that early?" to which I was almost utterly speechless. It's a waste to be lazy.
Chris got up (in the sense that he's dressed and out of his room rather than sitting at his computer in bed clothes) at about 2pm today. That's about 6 hours extra that I have had today over him. And its like that with most of the people in my house.
Hobbies and interests, learning something new, reading up on some subject you wish you knew more on. Gosh, there are so many things they could all be doing with themselves.
And I only get so upset with them because I care about them. I just wish they'd get their body clocks into some sort of real world setup.
Dear me, I should really get out of this "stressy" mode. But I am, of course, forced into it. But then theres the whole hypocritical view that I heard from Chris and Richard this evening of "The Kitchen isn't clean enough" when they're contributing an -equal- amount of the crap in there.
Sigh... Here's to a nice half hour of relaxation and meditation to end the day, and to another productive early morning tomorrow.
The most observant of you will have realised that I have recently added a "Comments" system to my blog. If you wish to comment about my drunken ramblings or think I'm talking out of my arse, let me know. :-)
What a fantastic weekend. I really enjoyed it. Rather than spending the whole weekend playing the Planetarion Speedgame, I travelled a total of nine hours, got drunk twice, stayed up with Hitchin friends until 3/4 in the morning and met an old friend called Sarah on the train back to Southampton.
Friday night at the Hobbit was... interesting. We must have spent the equivalent of the entire bar takings of that night on the Millionaire machine. And we crashed it about six times. Bastard thing.
Saturday saw me back in Hitchin for the weekend, which was lovely. Tom's new house is just so nice, the decorating is excellent. 'twas lovely to see everyone again. Of course, ending up chatting to people until about 3am and then a couple more hours, fortunately, unable to get to sleep in bed. Hehe. (*hugs Laura*).
Then on Sunday, Tom's mother made us scrambled egg on toast, just as well as she always does. Yum yum yum. It actually felt a bit wierd saying goodbye to Laura and Lookie, since they're both going away for sooo long.
But yeah, then on the train back to London from Hitchin, I met Sarah who was in Further Maths with me at A-Level. Was lovely to catch up with her. Bizarre. And then to end the day on Sunday, my house all went up to the Union Cinema to watch Finding Nemo.
So all in all, I don't think I could have had a more socially active weekend. It's now time to switch back into Uni mode though...
...the pubs open in half an hour. I had better get dressed.
Party at Toms. Will be nice to see people again. However, again, I'm given a difficult choice.
Beer or Wine.
A few IRC people have helped me decide, I'll take both. :-)
Train Station Ahoy! It's just a pity I have no music on the train, I'll have to get myself a working mp3 player again.
This morning, I am feeling pleasantly dehydrated. Why oh why do the voices make me drink the naughty alcohol? Oh well, I'm not complaining.
Oh, hang on, yes I am. I'm complaining that I'm up at half nine on a Saturday morning. The double-glazing guy is coming to fix the window in the bathroom which one of the housemates broke whilst I was in Southwold moving house. Tsk.
Is it too early to start drinking?
I've just added a searching ability to the site. Look at the "search" box above. Using mySQL's very own FULLTEXT algorithm, etc etc. Use it just like a normal search engines thing... Nice.
Oh, and i've decided. The Hobbit.
I only learnt just now that The Pixies were reforming. Which confused me. I thought they were one of these recent bands. But bloody hell, they're from the 80s. I had no idea they were one of the people who switched all us alternative rockers over from pop and similar crap to stuff like this. They were around before Nirvana, Radiohead and the likes, paving the way for teen angst for years to come.
Shocking. I guess its time to start the drinking ready for a damn fun Friday night out. However, I have two options..
1) The Nuffield Theater. (One free pint on arrival + £5 for the "Bits and Pieces" show.
2) The Hobbit. (50p off a pint all night).
The first new experience I've had recently actually happened about 5 minutes ago. I was happily talking to Housemate Chris in my room whilst having a decent glass of wine, only for Chris to say something funny...
...as I took a sip of the heavenly drink. Now, i've done it with Coke and various other drinks before, but with nothing as sharp as alcohol. The liquid entered my throat, I laughed, and shot striahgt up my nose. Thus tickling me. I immediately breathed in and unfortunately took the wine from my nasal passage back into my thoat, when the shock of what was happening caught up with me and I coughed the wine back into my mouth.
All in all, that one sip of wine hsa travelled far more internal-distance that perhaps it should have done and more importantly it tasted quite foul.
The second experience is my dabbling in self-hypnosis. I've tried my hand at meditation recently and its all well and good. Its amazing how beautiful things can seem and how peaceful you can feel, but as far as I can see self-hypnosis is sort of the stage further.
There are a load of websites I've been reading about the subject and I've talked about it with my mother. She also showed me what its all about, which was quite an eye opener, I have to say.
But heres to being chilled and feeling warm and comfortable throughout. (Whilst, of course, drinking through vast quantities of wine.)
Thinking about my last post...
I think friends would be top of that list. I got a text message from my ex this evening, asking a question which shouldn't be shared. But it made me realise how much of a good friend she is/was and how much I miss her.
Which led me to think about all of my friends from back in Hitchin. I'm missing them all. And I think I'm especially missing Laura. We've been to Paris and to South Africa together now. And she's such a good friends. It's just sort of hit me that I find her rather attractive. So I think I'll chat to her this weekend.
She's off on a round the world trip for four and a half months later this February and another of my friends, Lookie, is flying back to Australia for Uni. So we're having a party back in Hitchin to bid them a fond farewell.
And I'm -really- looking forward to it. Just got to chill this week and get through this stressful time. I think I need a good hug.
I've heard that, after a divorce, moving house is the most stressful thing a human in the developed world can experience. However, I think one more should be added as top of the list. It is, naturally, connected to the house move I've had this weekend. At number zero, we have... being told, by your Mothers best friend, that you are quite a shit person.
I was rather shocked that after about 24 hours total of manual handling moving tonnes of stuff a quarter of a mile from our old abode in Southwold to the new detached house, that Sylvia (at our congratulations meal before I made my way back to Uni) told me a few things which were a shock to everyone there.
For some reason, I have apparantly got on the wrong side of her and consiquently, I've caused a wealth of problems. The realationship between Mum and Sylvia is quite dodgy now and everyone involved feels quite crap.
But anyhow, as I say, we've moved house. And my gosh, its a nice one. I'm looking forward to having friends up to Souldwold to stay. The house needs a hell of a lot of work done to it, but we're planning on decorating one room at a time (starting with the Lounge). And I am very sure that with my parents decoration ablities and their skill at "seeing" good decor, the house will be stunning.
After all of the lifting and tiring stuff, I just hope to hell that a) parents don't move anytime soon and b) my muscles recover soon.
I've been tired ever since and I managed to get away with sitting in First Class on most of the trains on the way back to Southampton yesterday. :-). Anyhow, no rest for (the apprantly) wicked, it's time for Semester two.
Thinking back to the list of stressful experiences, I think I'd like to have a list of top stress-reduction activities.
*Matt grabs his glass of wine*